Narrative 2: Lost

I see colors. I can't make out who or what they are because everything is spinning. I am spinning. Everything is blurry and I can't concentrate. Even when I try to stop spinning I can't. I can't hear anything but the sound of my heart beating. Slowly. Like even though everything is blurry and spinning I am in slow motion. I try to get up but I can't. I am stuck here in this dizzy wreck. Why did I do this to myself? I had a past. Friends, family, a job. I had plans, a future. But, I am also the Queen of Self-Sabotaging. I did this to myself. I have wrecked my life and turned my world upside down. So many people reached out. They tried to help, tried to stop me... but they couldn't. No one can save someone who doesn't want to be saved... and I did not want to be saved. I loved spinning. I loved feeling like I was floating away and moving in slow motion. I loved the colors I saw. I thought that was how happy people felt. I don't really know what happy is. Sometimes I think I might be happy or at least my own twisted version of it. But, if all happiness comes with such great sorrows I don't know that I truly need... or even want to be happy. I just want to be. But it's too late now. I have already started sinking. All of my hopes, dreams, aspirations... they are gone, and there is nothing left for me to be. I am lost.